Colton Underwood Opens Up About His Dating Choices Before The Bachelor

The 34-year-old former NFL player, who led The Bachelor in 2019 before publicly coming out as gay two years later, has opened up about his romantic life before stepping into the spotlight on the ABC dating competition.

During an appearance on the We Need to Talk podcast, Colton Underwood discussed his approach to dating during the years before his television debut. He described himself as cautious even as he was navigating his sexuality privately.

"I was very careful, even when I was physically experimenting with guys and trying to, like, figure myself out. I was so careful on how I did everything," Underwood shared.

The former reality star then explained his specific dating criteria at that time. He revealed that he would exclusively pursue married men, reasoning that the arrangement provided him with a layer of protection.

"To protect myself, I would only hook up with married men. [Married] 'straight' men. So that was sort of my rule that I would never break," he explained. "When I was in the closet, that would be the only time I would ever hook up with men was if they were married… because they had more to lose than I did."

Underwood elaborated on his logic, noting that such individuals had significant personal stakes that would deter them from exposing him. "So if they tried to, you know, ruin my career and my life for football, they had a whole family that they'd be risking as well. So it's a messed up thing to think through, but like it was a form of self [preservation]… it was just like a way to protect myself," he said.

The conversation also touched on Underwood's experience as The Bachelor, when he was frequently asked about his virginity—a narrative the show's producers heavily emphasized. He reflected on how uncomfortable that storyline made him at the time.

"I remember I always got asked why I was a virgin. So that was the storyline that they wanted to run with, and I hated it 'cause I didn't want that pressure, and then I also didn't want people digging in because at that time I had hooked up with men," he noted.

Underwood acknowledged that his virginity stemmed from multiple factors, including his faith and his internal struggle with his sexual identity—details he kept private during his public appearances.

Looking back, he described the mindset he had adopted, believing that certain life milestones might alter his orientation. "I think I need to try this … or maybe if I have sex with a girl I will become straight," he recalled thinking. "I just was so good at convincing myself that the next step I will become straight. I need to get engaged. I need to get married. I need to lose my virginity. All of these different things were sort of steps to becoming straight."

On The Bachelor, Underwood selected Cassie Randolph as his final choice. Today, he is married to Jordan C. Brown, and the couple shares a son named Bishop.